There’s this kid I know in a small town I know, he’s the typical big fish in a small pond. Plays all sports, has all the stupid high school girls after him.

Every 2 weeks or so he has some stupid new story how he was drunk and got it on with some woman, and how the girl he really likes is now mad at him. Sure enough in 2 weeks he talks about how he broke up with the girl that was mad at him and now did something stupid and wants another girl

Last night, having a futile conversation with this individual, he started with a drunk story. What had happened was, he likes this 1 girl who has a boyfriend. So what does this dumbass do? He gets drunk and “hooks up with her best friend”. The next day, the 1 girl breaks up with her boyfriend to pursue the great dumbass of our story, but he.of course had to hook up with 1 girl’s best friend.

So what does our courageous idiot do? Starts pursuing the 1 girl immediately and tosses aside the best friend. So, now the best friend is pissed and begins causing a shit storm.

So I ask, “why are you telling us this?” He says, “what should I do? Why is she starting all this ish?”

I say, “Because god hates you dot com, and for humanity’s sake please get castrated” and end the conversation there.

My cousin and I were going to lunch at an Italian place for lunch, one of those generic expensive Italian spots with a generic name in Beverly Hills. Walking in we pass, on the patio, a guy in his late 40’s early 50’s sitting with a young gorgeous blond girl. I mean like stop traffic, stop what you are doing, look at this gorgeous blond kind of gorgeous. After we shut our mouths, we sit inside, because it was cold, and take our menus.

Some 15-20 minutes into our lunch who sits at the booth table for 6 by themselves? Older guy and hot blond. Their food was brought in after them, and once again they do whatever they were doing outside. Focusing back on the conversation at hand and continuing our meal, our heads are once again turned for there is another stop traffic gorgeous girl in room. She stops at the table for 6, and the older guy gets up, we think hes about to get owned for eating with another woman, gets up greets the girl and goes in for a kiss! He doesn’t get it cause hes got food all over his mouth. She joins them the other drop dead gorgeous girl and orders something as well. So, now at one table there are two drop dead gorgeous women and one older gentleman. My cousin and I, at this point, are thinking to ourselves at this point, what the hell?

Their bill comes, mind you the female’s plates are still full, and they make that look like they’ve eaten too much, the scrunched up face with the hand on their stomachs like they couldn’t eat another bite. He pays and leaves, but I guess he forgot something because the waitress rushes outside to give him the bill thingy. Watching from inside the restaurant we see the guy, who has the hot blonds in front of him turns around at the waitresses call and comes back with a disgruntled look on his face which. This face is of course, from what we can assume, is from the numbers on the receipt that he has to sign for. He uses that same face to communicate with the waitress, so we assume hes unhappy with how much he is being charged, or something of that nature. Hes not just settling this quickly either, hes talking a lot with her, with that same frustrated face.

We finish our meal and ask for the check, which upon delivery I begin to ask the waitress about the incident outside. She begins to say, “ohh that guy? he was just asking me for advice” With puzzled looks on our faces, we ask, “what do you mean?” She says, “well he was saying that he thinks the girls are using him, that hes putting up one in a hotel and the other one is in a car that he put her into.” I ask, “so what did you tell him,” which she replies with, “what can I say to a guy like that? I just say I don’t know and just settle the bill, what do you expect they are doing when you do things like that for them?”

I guess it makes sense, its just that tale old as time, rich guy who likes hotties just keeping them around with tactical use of money. Doesn’t bother me, actually I pity the guy, hes an idiot for not seeing how this will most certainly end.

What a great day I was having today. I woke up early, had a nice shower, a nice shave, got dressed up and looked nice. Walking into the office got the face time I needed with my boss in order to get some more things done today. Finished with that and started getting more stuff done. My day was organized I was in control of it, I was getting things done efficiently and quickly. There was money in the air and I was helping with those aromas.

It was just like any other day really, just I had more energy, I was more focused and just chipper all around. What went wrong? I went to lunch at 2, came back at 3, found a great parking spot, and walk into my office to sound of being put on hold. I am pretty sure everyone who reads this has been on hold at some point in their weekly life and has had to listen to on hold music. I get put on hold constantly, so I know the type of music very well. So, walked into my office and I felt like I was on hold, except this time I’m surrounded by the music, and its coming from the ceilings!

My co-workers are furious and annoyed, they keep complaining to one another about the music coming from the system that we use for announcements. I ask someone, “did Evelyn leave the phone next to her radio?” and someone replied, angrily, no, thats our new music, it doesn’t turn off and you can’t control it. Immediately I become angry and theres nothing I could do about it.

I spend an obscene amount of time in my office, I don’t get to walk around much, I spend a lot of time in a confined space. The music I listen to is my neighbors on a Friday afternoon… Friday afternoon because its the only time that the office pace slows down enough to actually enjoy it. Now its being forced on us, every working minute in the office.

The guy who ordered it? Sits in the largest window office in our office, he doesn’t have a speaker in his office, and has a door to block out the sound from outside. Yet he is absolutely unwaivering in his stance on keeping the muzak playing all day everyday. I obviously categorized this as a rant, but also as a fail, why? Everyone asked today, “why is there msuic playing, why isn’t this music stopping” and the obvious answer? Because God Hates You Dot Com!

So, on weds night around 12:30 at night my roommate and i heard yelling and gunshots. We called 911 and huddled on the floor in the hallway (away from door, windows) Right after we call 911 there’s a knock on our door, we didn’t open of course because, i mean, we just heard gunshots, and it’s too soon to be the police. After an hour we look out our window and see some cop cars which leave after a few hours, but still we heard helicopters all night.

The next day there’s still no news, my roommate and I say whatever and go to school. We come back that night (Thursday night) and while watching grey’s anatomy we hear this weird rolling sound coupled with loud noises outside and we look out and there’s a fire truck, an ambulance, and TONS of cop cars. The road’s blocked! A few hours later cops knock on our door to ask us about “an incident upstairs” and i ask “is this related to the gunshots we heard last night?” He says, “yes,” I ask what happened and he says “we don’t know yet, but there are two dead bodies upstairs”

They interviewed us for a few hours, tell them what we knew and the cops tell us that everyone in the building basically has the same story. There was an Asian couple, like mid 40s. I ask if there are signs of a break in and the cop said no. On wednesday night we had no idea what as going on, but the next day i read the news, Domestic violence followed by the woman snapping and committing murder, then suicide! And her kids found them!
how horrible!

This is a more visual continuation of “Wtf pwnt on my way to work”.

So! Coming off the 405n to the 10 west traffic stops rather suddenly. I slow my car down, no screeching, no skidding, and stop some distance from the car in front of me. Then!
This guy:

comes screeching late into the back of me and turns the backside of my car into this:

which pushed me rather hard into this car:

and turned my hood into this:
.

My car was totaled, but that alone wouldn’t have stopped me from the photoshoot! Unfortunately my leg had hit the under dashboard pretty hard and I had grown a very large bruise on my leg which limited my mobility severely. Not to mention my back and neck were going to hurt, according to the doctors. I would have posted a picture of the bruise, but its rather disgusting. My leg had every color of the rainbow!

So, no car, bummed leg, bad neck and back, I wasn’t ready to face 9 hours of photography, and I left my trusty tripod in the trunk of my wrecked car. BUT! in good news, I have rescheduled to May 5th. Hopefully the new dates open up more opportunities for people to come.

-Not God

As of late, after much use of the the phrase, “Because God Hates You Dot Com,” I’ve found that I’ve limited the amount of why questions that have been thrown my way. Conversation itself hasn’t suffered so much at work, I am surrounded by people who are very pleasant to have a conversation with, but other people, they’ve been less inclined to ask me a why question.

But find it loses its comical effect is lost outside of the office setting. Maybe thats because that where most whiney people can be found!. One must also be very sensitive in reply and pitch and tone when utilizing said phrase, it has to be spot on unless you are sadistic and you want to give that vibe off!

This will be an on going post as to my findings of this phrase’ success.

Hello everyone,

I’d like to notify you of two things: 1. God hates you and 2. that I am not the owner of this site. Instead I am a writer, an extremely bitter person just full of potent hatred towards my fellow man. I will be your guide to the exciting and adventurous world of self loathing and then projecting that self loathing onto others. I will discuss the finer details of how to lie to people in order to get them into not talking to you while you’re beating the meat to various fetish themed pornography.

The first subject I’d like to discuss with you, the reader. Is the resentment towards “word processors”. Fuck word processors, even the words “word processors” pisses me off. I mean what the fuck? You process words? Like you’re putting letters on a fucking assembly line to process them into alphabetically redundant bins? No that’s not what it does. Instead it manages to make three paragraphs a megabyte in text because you wanted to bold a few fucking letters. Do you know how real men bold shit? With fucking HTML tags god damnit. We don’t waste bandwidth, money, time and resources by using a proprietary document format so we can make our text pink like a fucking pussy.

Do you know what I’m writing in right fucking now? Notepad and I’d be writing in vim if I was in Linux, but right now I’m adding a custom skin to Tomb Raiding where she’s nude. Do you know how big this file is? 1.67 KB. Do you know how big this is in Microsoft Word 2007? 10.7 KB. Bullshit! I don’t even have any special formatting in it either. I do everything in notepad and you should too otherwise you’re a fucking pansy