http://www.thechurchofgoogle.org/

They’re for serious too!

Got this guy in my office, hes really nice, but hes got some quarks that are just too tempting not to exploit. One such thing, he’ll jump at anything that is free. I put a flash light in front of him, and he asked if he could have it, when I said yes, his eyes lit up with joy as if a kid eas eating chocolate for the first time. I always, always, when in the office, say to him, “hey buddy! you dropped a dollar!” to which his response is so easily anticipated a quick look and site of excitement. I love playing that trick on him, but I decided to stop after this last time.

One day I’m in boss’ office sitting down, and in sitting next to me in the other chair is buddy! So! Boss is on the phone, who knows for how long, but hes on the phone, and I figure you know what, I’ll just play this trick one more time. I say buddy! you dropped a dollar, he turns and looks excitedly, but alas no dollar. So! I say to myself, lets take this one step further, what happens if he actually sees a dollar where I point? Well I got up, slowly, nonchalantly, walked behind him, placed a single dollar bill on the floor, walked back to my seat and sat down.

I get Buddy’s attention, and I say, you dropped a dollar. He says, nooo, theres no dollar there, stop trying to trick me. I say buddy! theres a f-ing dollar on the floor, is it yours? He replies once again, no, not looking. I say buddy! just look, theres a dollar there. At which point he begins to turn his head ever so slowly, afraid that i might hit him or something, and sure enough the second the corner of his eye even spies green on the floor he LEAPS as quickly as he can towards the dollar. Of course his leap isn’t completed before he clumsily bangs his knee ridiculously hard on the boss’ desk in front of him. Then in one fell swoop he scoops up the dollar along his shin as if he was just finishing tying his shoe, and puts the dollar in his pocket. At which point he paint from the bang begins to set in, and he has to run out of the office so he can cry out in agony. Such sweetness has never hurt so bad!

So I call up mat and I says, lets go out, he says no way, I got a rash. I say rash? what are you talking about rash, he says I got this thing called pitty rosea, well it sounds much more scientific than that, so I’m using the phonetics. I ask him whats is it? He says, I don’t really know, its not contagious, I say yea seriously, you don’t go out, you don’t really have contact with the outside world other than class and the occasional best buy trip.
Soo now I’m sitting here 3 days later, hanging out with him, you know, spending time with my friends, and what does the F*cker do? he wishes this viral thing on me, and I’m like wtf?? He says, I want you to feel my pain, I want it documented. I told him fine, why don’t I just publish a story about how this fucked up thing happened to you.

Its not contagious, no one knows how you contract it, its kind of like it probably just picks you and decides to infect you. So I said, you know what mat, God has to hate you, he picked you to have this rash!!

Poor f*cker, hes just sitting there with little dots all over himself, hehe more dots, and just sitting home milking it for all he can.