I’m walking down the street… like you do, and infront of me there is this alley way exit. Looking forward a big Mercedes G Class with it’s windows pull forward and stops before crossing the street.

The driver his this thick persianed individual who is having a conversation with his passenger, looking at his passenger. While he is stopped he takes a cup from the coffee bean and dumps the contents out, then moments later proceed to litter the street with the cup he just emptied. Before continuining his drive, he looks left to make sure there are no cars coming and notices me LOOKING right at him!

Within a moment, he has this, “ohh shit I’m a guilty motherfucker” look on his face, and throws his car into park and shouts, “ohhhlee sheet, i fohrgawt my cawp!” He jumps out of the car to pick up his trash repeating, “I fohrgawt my cawp!” looking at me all the while, jumps back in his car and goes.

After a few months of celibacy, I finally managed to find myself in a city with plenty of beautiful women. It was summer, the weather was wonderful, the women were running around in bikinis…I was horny.

First night out with the guys, I meet the most beautiful girl I’ve seen in months. Blond, fit, charming…And turned on!

She was everything a young horny guy could dream of.

After a few drinks, we finally started kissing on the dance floor. We exchanged numbers, and decided to meet up the next day.

I woke up the next morning, excited to finally get some action. Took a long shower, fixed myself up, put some perfume on.

Pick her up from her place, and after a nice long kiss, drove straight back to my place.

We got undress rather quickly. She finally laid on the bed, and as she spread her legs wide open, that’s when I realized I was cursed. Till this day, I will never forget that fishy smell…A blend of rotten eggs, tuna, and a touch of cinnamon.

I couldn’t touch another girl for months after that experience. I still remember her face when I pass next to garbage cans on the street.

I think God Hated Me that day…..

Before we start, what you need to know:
Range Rover, higher end version of Land Rover. More luxurious, more for the city and such.
Land Rover, cheaper end of the cars. Rugged and made to get beat up. Not for City Driving.

So this guy I know (he wished to remain nameless as such I’m leaving details about him to just need to know) is married to a trust fund baby. Big trust fund baby. Anyhow, they buy a big blue $80k Range Rover 6-7 months ago all cash and got an okay deal on it. 6 months later there are so many problems, husband says to wife, “go back and get a different one this is a lemon”.

So she leaves, and hes outside and she comes home in a big blue crappy Land Rover. Shes hanging outside saying, “hi!” Husband is thinking, ohh they just gave her a rental so they can fix it, its not so bad he’ll just go exchange the car himself when they get back the Range Rover. She comes out of the horrid Land Rover and says, “How do you like the color?”

He says, “what? what do you mean, its just like our other one? is this a rental?”
She says, “no, I got this one, and only for $30k!”
He explodes, “YOU DID WHAt?”

She traded in the higher end range rover, that was only 6 months old with 4k miles on it, and wrote a 30k check for a car that wasn’t barely worth more than that!. Basically, she paid 60k for a car not worth anywhere near that.

He goes apeshit, punches holes in the wall and storms off to the range rover dealership when he finds out that his wife has called the police saying he was being abusive. As such he knew it wasn’t smart to go there, they’d probably be waiting for him there and he’d probably go home and clear up the situation.

He gets back home, and hes talking to the police, who after hearing the story quickly understood the situation and knew they were wasting their time. Probably knowing that if their wife had done such a stupid thing they would have done much worse.

So now he drives around a smaller car, cheaper, more uncomfortable because of his wife’s grossly stupid decision. Like hes driving around in a seriously bad decision. Everyday reminded of what was passed that one horrible day.

This had Because God Hates You Dot Com written all over it

This Umrella song by Rhianna deserves to be honored as what not to do when making music. This woman should be made an example of. She signifies what is clearly wrong with music today. First off, she is tone def, her song presents no skill in beats, lyrics or anything of an musical nature that would be considered greatness. Even as a club banger, I would turn to the dj and give him the finger for being so stupid, crowd killing maniac!

It didn’t help that the song came on 3 times in one day at my office. But nor did the fact that the song absolutely sucks. Half the song is her repeating Ella, Eh, umbrella. I’m pretty sure I have a pre pubescent cousin in kindergarten who could make rhymes in class with his/her teacher that would produce something more entertaining than what this bitch has created!

This song also further proves the point that the radio plays what they want you to hear. No person in their right mind can consider this, “good music.” And fuck your opinion if you do!

Last night, on the way back home, being dropped off by my cousin, we were listening to Kroq’s Love Line. A woman had called in asking for advice, which is fine, I won’t judge her on that, we all need a little help on that.

Where I will hate is on the problem, not neccesarily her problem, but the problem that seems to be ocurring a lot more these days. This lady had met a guy over myspace and had proceeded to deepen their relationship, which is great. They would talk for countless hours on the phone and seemed, as described, perfect for one another. She lived in California, the guy lived in New York.

It so happened, after talking for two years that this girl and her girlfriends were traveling out to New York, she said why not meet him while she is out there. Of course they met, they had a good time and ended up hooking up and doing their thing. Which is fine, I’m not judging on that either, let her do as she pleases when it comes to that.

Heres where I’m hating. She comes back to L.A. doesn’t hear from him, no returned calls, communication maybe every three or four months. He checks his myspace and begins to see new women on his page every 2 weeks or so. She doesn’t really know much about the guy’s life, just knows him. She had called in to ask if she should still go out there and see him. She was actually wondering that after all the signs stated previously weren’t deterrents and that she should still fly out there. Thats what I am hating on, poor girl just doesn’t know how to move on.

I got a co-worker of mine, hes an awesome guy, very fun, full of life, but every now and then you have to wonder about the things he says.

Anyhow, I told him I wanted to get him a dog, and he said no pets, except for a gold fish, wait, never mind no gold fish. This statement begged the question, “why no goldfish buddy?” he said cause I killed my last Gold Fish. Furiously thirsting for more information about this whole ordeal, I ask, “how did you kill your last Gold fish?” he replied, “I over fed it” I said how? he replied, “I forgot I fed it the first time and fed it again and it died, so no more gold fish.”

Poor gold fish… never stood a chance.

So, cousin M and I are at the Rally’s burger in L.A. we’re at the drive through waiting for our LIGHTENING fast food dinner to be served to us. Not paying mind to whats ahead of us, because it was kind of dark, I all of a sudden notice that customer at the walk up is getting his food. The employee hands this man his food and I see him take this bag and place it in a basket. I then begin to slowly realize the bigger picture. The basket was attached to a Mobility Scooter. This was no slim guy, and he didn’t look like he was that old, he was just a fat guy on wheels. This fat guy on wheels drove his mobility scooter ass to the Rally’s to get him some burger and fried and mobility scooter his ass back home.

Now before you say, “who the hell are you to talk?”, I say, hey, I wouldn’t be anything if we were at a restaurant and he was getting a salad. But we were at Rally’s, theres nothing, and I mean nothing healthy about Rally’s, I think they make a point of it in fact. I sympathize with the guy in that gotta enjoy what you eat. But if you are in an obese, keyword obese, individual in a mobility scooter, it doesn’t take a doctor to tell you that you shouldn’t be eating there.

Sad, seriously sad, this guy is doing himself in.