I think this will be an ongoing post, like updated and reposted as it goes on.
11/4/08
I met someone on a bike ride the other night. Hes sitting there after 30 some miles of riding so far, hes still gotta ride home, and hes finishing a large bottle of newcastle, and just telling stories. Like a tipsy guy would when he thinks he has an audience that is just captivated by his presnce.

Of the many things he said, what I listened to was the following, “I’m 24, I’m an actor SLASH(/) Model I have a 2 year old daughter, I’ve been divorced and now I’m dating a 32 year old who I live with. The woman who bothers me the least between my ex and this girlfriend will be the one I end up with… I think…, okay lets ride.

I was at fedex yesterday shipping something to somewhere. As I walk in, the cocky guy behind the counter looks at me, and before I even open my mouth he points me to the desk right behind me and tells me to start filling stuff out. Cocky… but confident enough in his job, I didn’t question I just got to it.

As I am finishing filling out my stuffs and what not, I hear the cocky guy, who is now behind me shout, “Fedex is the best, come on! admit it, you know you want to!” At which point I look up to see what the hell is going on. As I look up, I see U.S. postman leave the building, and quickly realize it was the U.S. Postman that he was shouting at. I turn around to look at the cocky guy, with a laugh in the midst, and say, “Are you serious?” He looks at me with the most serious face, and replies, “Yea! the US post isn’t welcomed here at all, and I make sure they know that” to which I reply, “alright go you have, having pride in your company” He then proceeds to tell me about the ink delivery in his station, he points to all the printers and says, “all the ink for these printers come from FedEx, right? but what I don’t get is why that big ass printer over there has the ink delivered by UPS” I say to him, “ohh when that guy comes in you must go ape shit” He replies again with a serious face, “Hell yea, that fucker knows more than anyone else he isn’t welcomed here, I give him hell”

Some people….

So the other day I was walking to the super market to get some lunch, on my way there I have to pass a Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream.
On that particular day, it was Ben & Jerry’s birthday, and they were giving out free ice cream to any and all, in fact they had a promoter lady person outside advertising to the world around her that free ice cream was just inside these doors! So I pass Ben & Jerry’s, go down to the super market get my lunch, come back and as I am passing Ben & Jerry’s I spy an old lady standing in line for Ben & Jerry’s. She is standing at the door way, the line infront of her has moved, and theres a line behind her, so shes obviously holding up the line! zomg!. So the promoter lady walks over to her and says, “wouldn’t you like from free ice cream? just go right on in!” to which the old lady quickly replies, “I Can’t Have Ice Cream!!”

So I call up mat and I says, lets go out, he says no way, I got a rash. I say rash? what are you talking about rash, he says I got this thing called pitty rosea, well it sounds much more scientific than that, so I’m using the phonetics. I ask him whats is it? He says, I don’t really know, its not contagious, I say yea seriously, you don’t go out, you don’t really have contact with the outside world other than class and the occasional best buy trip.
Soo now I’m sitting here 3 days later, hanging out with him, you know, spending time with my friends, and what does the F*cker do? he wishes this viral thing on me, and I’m like wtf?? He says, I want you to feel my pain, I want it documented. I told him fine, why don’t I just publish a story about how this fucked up thing happened to you.

Its not contagious, no one knows how you contract it, its kind of like it probably just picks you and decides to infect you. So I said, you know what mat, God has to hate you, he picked you to have this rash!!

Poor f*cker, hes just sitting there with little dots all over himself, hehe more dots, and just sitting home milking it for all he can.

Lawschool

I walk into the bank to make a deposit, and as my eyes take notice of everything in the building, the first thing that catches my attention is a lady sitting forward talking to a lady behind a desk.

Now, i I couldn’t actually see her face, but I did happen to get a half moon of arse looking my way. I didn’t mean to, its just one of those things you can’t turn away from. The lady is wearing low cut jeans and shes shes wearing that kind of ladies undies that has a thick top, but acts like a thong at the bottom, black. I can be so descriptive, because it was just there staring at me in the face. Apparently, according to my lady friend Nic, its a thong.

It was just there in plain view, poor thing didn’t have any idea, but she wasn’t embarrassed because she had no idea.

Anyhow, thats that.
Until next time

Because God Hates You Dot Com.

Also, “why am I going to this dumbass wedding tonight?”

Because God Hates you Dot Com